Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
