i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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