I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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