Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
