So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
