Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
