We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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