why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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