We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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