i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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