operation have a gay friend backfired
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
