ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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