WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
