remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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