My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
