I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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