I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
