I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
