Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
sex in a hospital.. check
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
