He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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