I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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