Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
