We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
