Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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