Plan B is the new Plan A
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
