I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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