Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
