My boss' voice literally gives me gas
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
