Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
