i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
