Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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