Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
