Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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