Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize
