I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
