I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
