Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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