Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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