forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
