I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
