mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
