my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
