they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
