I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
