I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
