Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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