know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
