So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
