i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
