the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
