You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
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