You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
